Becoming a Wife, transitioning into wifehood.
What is Wifehood?
Wifehood is a state of being. Ultimately, of being a wife. Being a wife can be heavily influenced by cultural and societal norms. What have you heard about or experienced concerning what a wife looks like? Wifehood might encompass the characteristics, virtues, and behaviors that are deemed appropriate for being a wife. As mentioned, this can differ depending on cultural, familial, and societal norms.
For me, I haven’t had complete models of what wifehood looks like. My parents were divorced when I was 6 months old, and other relationships within my life haven’t completely exemplified a healthy marriage. As I have leaned on resources and my faith, I have learned about what a wife looks like on the basis of Scripture. Follow along to learn more about being a biblical wife within my series of Biblical Wifehood.
How to Prepare for Wifehood?
In preparing for Wifehood, this can start long before engagement or whenever you start. There isn’t a timeline for this preparation, the important thing is that you start. Preparing for wifehood, specifically as a Christian, starts with continuing to grow as a woman of God. What does this look life?
1. Abide in the LOrd
In John 15, Jesus tells us to abide in Him as He abides in us. This is a beautiful connection and relationship that we get to have with the Savior of the world. As we abide in Christ, we produce good fruit in us, such as the Fruits of the Spirit mentioned in Ephesians. Abiding in Christ means to intentionally remaining in Him, even as the world calls for out consistent attention. This abiding can look like: engaging in Scripture and Bible reading; having a healthy prayer life and engaging in intention prayer with the Lord; getting out in God’s creation; utilizing worship; etc. To read more on abiding in Christ, read John 15.
2. Cultivate and Grow in SPiritual Maturity
As you continue to abide in Christ, you will continue to grow in your spiritual maturity. There are other ways to engage in growth as well, this continues with being intentional in your spiritual walk. As Christians we are called to continue to change the way we think and act as we are becoming sanctified in Christ. During this time of growth, it might be beneficial to work through through a few of the things mentioned below:
- Examine yourself – How do you talk to yourself, think of yourself, or feel about yourself? Think through some of the things that might influence/impact you within wifehood, whether that be low self-esteem, past traumas, difficult childhood, lack of role models, struggles with mental health, etc. As you are working towards becoming a wife, it might be beneficial to seek Godly counsel through a Christian therapist/counselor who can help you process through and work through these difficulties. It is important to take care of yourself, before, during, and after this transition.
- Purity – What is your idea of purity? Who talked to you about this? When I am talking about purity, I am not just talking about sex. Though waiting to have sex until marriage is important (though difficult), I am talking about other forms of purity as well. Ultimately the goal is to become more and more like Jesus, recognizing that you can’t be perfect. It is important to set boundaries and seek accountability when it comes to your thoughts, behaviors, and your heart.
- Self-sacrifice – As we enter a partnership, we learn more and more about self-sacrifice and compromise. Partnership is about mutual submission and working to put each other’s needs over our own. This does not mean that we let others or our spouse walk all over us, but it means that we love others more than our self. Find small ways to begin practicing serving others.
As you continue to grow in your relationship with God, it would also be beneficial to apply practical skills into your life, to prepare for your partnership. Skills to continue to cultivate and utilize are:
- Developing Communication Skills – Learn techniques such as active listening, and “I” statements. Remember that it is important to avoid defensiveness and be willing to discuss difficulties with our partner.
- Practice humility and empathy – Understanding your partner and his worldview, can be beneficial in your ability to put yourself in his shoes when difficulties arise. Begin practicing this, it is a muscle that sometimes you have to work for it to come more naturally.
- Find a Mentor – Whether this is a mentor for yourself, or as a couple, it might be beneficial to find someone who is seasoned as a wife or a seasoned couple who might be able to provide guidance to you and your future husband.
Lastly, work on YOU for YOU! Focus on your self-care, self-soothing, and coping with difficulties you might be experiencing. Remember that you can’t be perfect in everything you do, even if we try, and that is ok. You are an amazing daughter of the King. Remember who you are and Whose you are.
Book Suggestions
Marriage
Love That Lasts: When Marriage Meets Grace
Sex and Marriage (and Purity culture):
She Deserves Better: Raising Girls to Resist Toxic Teachings on Sex, Self, and Speaking Up
The Good Girl’s Guide to Great Sex: Creating a Marriage That’s Both Holy and Hot
Boundaries
Boundaries Updated and Expanded Edition: When to Say Yes, How to Say No To Take Control of Your Life
Faith and Therapy 
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