The Role of Respectful Submission in Marriage

Wife as Submissive and Respectful

2–3 minutes

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Submission in marriage truly gets a bad rap, as previous church hurt has influenced the idea of submission being subjugation or even wives as slaves to their husbands. This is not the case. Submission is a form of self-sacrifice. Both wives and husbands are called to be self-sacrificial.

Ephesians 5 states:

“22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her…”

Notice how God gives both the wife and the husband an important self-sacrificial job. As women are called to submission, men are called to headship (biblical leadership). As John Piper expressed, “headship initiates, submission supports.” Men are called to lead by example and take initiative within the relationship. Women are called to support her husband by being responsive towards his initiative. The important piece in this is: does your husband/fiancé walk in biblical headship, and have the maturity and humility to continue to grow in this? Be sure that you are are marrying a man who will be a godly leader, so you can embrace your God-given posture towards respectful submission/responsiveness.

What Submission is NOT

Submission is not being a “doormat.” There are boundaries with submission. This could look like not agreeing with your husband about everything. For instance, if your husband was to lead you further from God, this would not lead to a godly submission. If your husband is leading you into sin, this would be an important time to reassess and get godly counsel, as well as marriage counseling with a trained professional. Submissions is not, never giving your opinion in the marriage. As the helper, your opinion should be valuable and your influence does matter. Submission is not putting your relationship with your husband, before your relationship with God. The only relationship within your life which is eternal, is the relationship with your Lord and Savior. Continue to cultivate that relationship.

Submission as a Form of Respect

A wife shows respect to her husband by honoring her husband within his God-given role of headship.

Ephesians 5:33 – “…let the wife see that she respects her husband.”

Ways to Respect your Husband

(1) Prayer – Begin with talking to the Lord about your heart posture towards your husband. Ask God for help in regard to continuing to respect your husband.

(2) Renew your mind – Ask yourself what your thoughts sound like when it comes to your husband. Are you holding grudges or gratitude toward your husband?

(3) Speech – How do you speak to your husband? In the book of James, we are told how crucial our speech is and how dangerous our tongue can be. We are also told that the words we speak comes from our heart. So, how are you speaking to your husband, and how are you speaking about your husband?

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